Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
