How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
