its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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