Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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