You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
