I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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