Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
