there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
