If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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