I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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