just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
