Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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