My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
