Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
