Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
