Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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