Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
