so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
