I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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