I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
