oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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