Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
