if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
