amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
