This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
