today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
