How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
