Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
