SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
