Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
