I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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