if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
