Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
