Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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