Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
