Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You need a sexual gate keeper
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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