my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
