I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
