1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
