You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
