fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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