Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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