The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
