my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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