she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
