my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
