So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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