I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
