At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
