Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
