I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
