No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
